Jesse Jaymes - Thirty Footer In Your Face

Is a thirty footer some kind of basketball reference? Would someone please explain this to me? No, seriously, I really mean it, explain it to me please, as I have the odd characteristic of being the anti-sport in a family of sports-aficionados. While my father, mother and brother freaked out over the Browns or whomever was more interesting to watch instead, I was watching experimental, indie and foreign films alongside the occasional action flick. Hell, I got caught watching chick flicks from time to time (My Best Friends Wedding for the win! Who up in here loves I Say A Little Prayer?), but never sports. Now don't get me wrong, I'm a man's man! The best reason to watch foreign films is for the copious amounts of T&A, although the symbolism is just as important. :) I'm a fucking nerd and it shows, don't it?

Anyway, the real point of this post is Mr. Jesse Jaymes, known to his parents as Jesse Itzler, a man of many labels. Husband to Sara Blakely (founder of the Spanx undergarments company), father to Lazer Blake Itzler (Lazer?), co-founder of Marquis Jet and songwriter for the NBA, the NY Knicks and other sports teams. But what he might want to be forgotten for his role in the early nineties rap scene. Not to say that his work was bad, but it simply doesn't compare to his labelmates and contemporaries of the time.

Jesse signed with Delicious Vinyl and recorded his Matt Dike and Michael Ross produced debut album, Thirty Footer In Your Face. Jesse co-wrote raps for Tone Loc and others prior to his solo rap career, so his signing up with DV isn't that shocking, although the clubbiness (I'm patenting that word if it hasn't been done yet) of some of the tracks is a little peculiar. If the N'Dea Davenport backing vocals hadn't been present on some of the tracks they may have held up better to the ravages of time, but it was the early nineties after all and not everything can be eternally memorable. But Thirty Footer is far from awful, with the worst track being Poison Ivory, a pro-white-boy rap for the haters comparing Jesse to Vanilla Ice-like jokers, and the best being party-time throwbacks like College Girls and Shake It (Like A White Girl). Everything else is worth hearing, especially Dave The Bookie, and a lot of it is quite good, but Jesse's flows sound sub-Young MC or Tone Loc at times, although for a party record you're not necessarily expecting deep flows.

On a side-note, I remember hearing Shake It on the radio and wondering why a white boy would write a rap disrespecting white girls. Now years later I get it and it's not a diss, just the truth. That said, I'm a white boy so it doesn't apply to me, but knowing that most white folks don't have rhythm I must assert I am blessed with plenty of rhythmic ability, but I dance like I'm having a seizure. My girl says I dance like Humpty Hump, "in a flitter of convulsions".

For the sake of simplicity I've edited two of the tracks on the album so you can examine the smaller details a bit easier, not that they're life-changing though. In particular, it's noted below the final track that Spit Can Make You Dance, a track featuring a friend of Jesse's who provides backing vocals, is located "somewhere" on the album. Well, it appears at the end of the ninth track and there is also an unlisted outro after the final track, both of which have been given their own tracks for this post.

Keep on doing whatever you're doing Jesse, it's gotten you this far just fine, and Shake It still sounds damn good today!


Jesse Jaymes - Thirty Footer In Your Face

01 Shake It (Like A White Girl)
02 $55 Motel
03 Keepin' It Funky
04 Sho Nuff Bumpin'
05 Poison Ivory
06 Body Heat
07 Dave The Bookie
08 College Girls
09 Ain't No Thang
10 Spit Can Make You Dance
11 Rhymes At Will
12 Outro