The Elf Power Story

So today I'm sitting around, not doing much of anything. The new Das Racist mixtape just became available but the download is really slow and I had to turn on GetRight to ensure it downloads completely, so I'm REALLY bored. Perfect time for a story!

On the rare occasion that Elf Power would ever come up in conversation, I usually mention how much they suck and how I wouldn't piss on their tour van if it were on fire. People usually take a step back and ask why all the hate, and that's when I tell them the utterly majestic story of how Elf Power acted like a bunch of dickheads to me back around 2000. Afterward they stand around in shock and either agree with me or seem filled with disbelief. Regardless, the story is true.

J Mascis was was on tour for his first album as J Mascis and The Fog, More Light, and I'd heard reports that Kevin Shields, the genius of My Bloody Valentine, had shown up on several dates unannounced to play drums for J. Of course I freaked and made plans to go to the show with my buddy Scott. We're both eternal fans of MBV and wanted nothing more than the opportunity to meet our hero. I picked up Scott from work and we went to the Grog Shop, a well known Cleveland live venue, only to find that we under planned as the tickets were sold out and, even worse, Kevin wasn't there. Mike Watt was playing bass and J Mascis is totally awesome, but none of it matters when you can't get in.

We were bummed but we figured we'd go get something to eat when I turned around and who should be packing their gear into their tour vehicle but Elf Power. I had no idea they were the opening band and I liked some of the stuff I'd heard so, as I was so prone to do around the turn of the century, I exclaimed loudly, "HOLY SHIT, IT'S FUCKING ELF POWER!", assuming that my joyous recognition of their presence would be appreciated. Sadly, I was very wrong. One of the band members (I don't know which one, sorry) walked up and angrily retorted, "IT'S NOT FUCKING ELF POWER, IT'S JUST ELF POWER!". I assumed he was just being playful but he and the rest of the band acted like dicks and wouldn't acknowledge us any longer despite my trying to be nice and say how much I liked their stuff.

I was understandably pissed and started walking away with Scott when one of their roadies walked up to us. He very kindly apologized for the band's terrible behavior and let me know that he had no idea what their problem was, they just always acted like dickheads. The roadie fellow was very nice and I really appreciated his apology, but he hadn't been rude to us. In the end I couldn't help but feel sorry for the guy, having to work with those assholes.

So, from that day forward, anytime I see or hear anything regarding Elf Power I laugh at those dickheads and hope they're having a terrible time. I'll never listen to one of their records, I'll never put a dime in their pockets and I'll never say anything about them other than to convey this story. Why the hell would an up and coming band treat their fans like that? Whatever they've achieved, they don't deserve it.

Sorry for all the negativity folks, but that's the truth, the whole truth and nothing but. I hope you at least got a giggle out of the story. Scott was totally on the same page with me about the whole thing and mentioned afterward how he had read something about Elf Power having to pay to get their CD pressed because they wanted it to appear on an indie label they thought would get them good press. I don't know how accurate that is, but I wouldn't be surprised if it's true.

Now, if you wanna perk yourself back up, how about going to download that new Das Racist mixtape? They're funny, highly entertaining and the whole thing is free! Can't go wrong with that, can ya?